Death, Thick Ebony Woman And Taxes: Tips To Avoiding Thick Ebony Person

Death, Thick Ebony Woman And Taxes: Tips To Avoiding Thick Ebony Person

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Author's Notice: Though racist microaggressions are felt by every marginalized team within the dating world, I am building upon my own personal experiences with bisexual, https://blackpornophotos.com cisgender white men to give suggestions on how to alleviate cultural tensions that may occur in a bright man/black woman pairing.

Previously, I was at a pub with associates when two white men approached me. One was a person who was interested in talking to me, and the other was acting as his companion.

The companion walked upward to me as his buddy stood beside him and screamed over the tunes, "You're best! My companion likes dark-colored female, but he doesn't like them too dark"!

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Against my better discernment, I assumed that the friend really wasn't extremely great at his job and started talking to his companion anyways. We ended up hitting it off, but it wasn't until our earliest day that I realized I had underestimated the wingman's powers.

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The person did, in notion, have some kind of dark-colored lady desire.

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He kept touching my tresses without my consent, was justifiably disappointed that I may hardly twerk, and called me" feisty" whenever I voiced an opinion that was different from his.

Alas, that wasn't the first or previous odd time I've had with a pale person.

I wish I may declare that I'm astonished and appalled by the knowledge that whitened gentlemen tend to display when they approach me, but I've come to expect it. While white men are not the only party to keep racist biases and stereotypes against ebony women, they tend to be the least informed on the racial and stereotyped issues that dark women endure.

Light males have the luxury of not having to constantly suppose about their crossings of race and gender, which is strikingly different from ebony women's realities. White men navigate society with relative ease while black women are teetering on the precarious margins of race and gender that they do not have the privilege to ignore.

This is not a game to us, nor is it something we can ignore.

Our race and gender affects the way we carry ourselves, and this uncomfortable mindfulness is something that white men simply cannot relate to. While it may be hard for two people from widely different intersections of race and gender to understand each other, it's not impossible once the more privileged party ( in this case, the white guy ) is able to recognize their shortcomings and how the intersections of race and gender affect every aspect of a black woman's life.

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A white man must be willing to work toward a better understanding of how race and gender intersect differently for everyone, and he must also be prepared to speak out against the injustices that their partners will endure.

We've recently offered suggestions on how people of color can approach their white partner on the issue of race. And while of course the topic of race should be an ongoing conversation with your significant other, things would go a lot smoother if men- and in this case, white men- were able to identify and prevent racial tension from the very beginning.

To be blunt: White guys, you often approach black women in a harmful way.

Most white men are unaware of the microaggressions towards their black partner that make their chances for a second date slim to none.

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Microaggressions are comments or actions that unintentionally alienate or demean a marginalized person or group.

These include, but are not limited to, saying things such as" You're]insert positive adjective ] for a black girl"! or "You're not like other black people"!

These may seem harmless to some, but they're actually symptoms of deeper problems rooted in systematic oppressions that black women face daily.

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So, in order to avoid some head and heartaches down the road for both parties, I'd like to offer white men some suggestions on how to best approach us.

This won't apply to every black woman, but it wouldn't hurt to infuse some intersectional feminism into your game.

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Intersectionality would help because it's an understanding that a person's experiences are shaped by their gender, race, physical ability, and socioeconomic class, to name a few factors.

In other words, you should be looking at the whole person, and not a one-dimensional archetype of a black woman.

But before you can even get there, you need to do some self-reflection to work out why, exactly, you want to date black women ( or a particular black woman ). Here are some questions to think about:

- Do you proclaim to have" Jungle Fever" or" a thing for black women"? - Do you believe that black women are, by virtue of their race, exotic and different? - Are you pursuing a black woman as an act of rebellion against your friends and/or family? - Do you have a fascination with how biracial children look? Are you seeking out black women for the sole purpose of having mixed kids? - Do you expect all or most black women to behave the same? - Do you think of dating a black woman as a new or exotic experience?

If you answer yes to any of these, then you should take a step back to reevaluate.

These are harmful stereotypes that will not only make your black partner uncomfortable, they will further marginalize them.

You should want to date a person because you like who they are and have compatible views and interests, not because their race is the next thing to do on your bucket list or because you were enthralled by their "exotic ways" ( honestly, are you doing an anthropological study on black culture? Don't treat me like an artifact ).

If you answered no to these questions and you think those assumptions on black womanhood are downright absurd ( hint: they are ), then perhaps you are well on your way to showing a black woman that you want to date a complete person and not a stereotype!

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So, as you're getting to know this woman, be sure to keep the following in mind:

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1. Be Open-Minded About Racial and Cultural Differences

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Race is going to come up in any interracial coupling, but please do not say "You're pretty/intelligent/well-spoken/whatever for a black woman"! or "You're not like other black women"!

That may seem like a compliment, but what we're actually hearing is" I think all black people are ]negative adjective], but you are the exception".

These are perfect examples of microaggressions.

When you compliment a black woman in this way, you are implying that we are exceptions to the rule- the rule being that that black women are not attractive, intelligent, or posses any other positive attributes.

And when these stereotypes are internalized and then manifested in society, it could have severe consequences.

More often than not we are looked over for jobs, we do not receive adequate education or medical care, and we are imprisoned at much higher rates than our white counterparts all because blackness is rarely associated with positivity.

So in order to combat the harmful stereotypying of our people, try to compliment us without the caveat!

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"You're intelligent". "You're hilarious"! Full stop.

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2. Accept Black Women as Individuals

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Often, someone from a marginalized group is expected to be the authority on that group's culture, but that's an unreasonable expectation.

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It's assumed that that everyone belonging to that group thinks and behaves the same way, but that is never- ever- the case.

When getting to know a black woman, don't ask them to be the authority on black culture. Don't ask us" Why do black people like or do __ _ _ _"? You can't expect one person to know all things black culture.

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Instead, remember that black women, like all people, have varying interests, backgrounds, and obstacles that they face daily.

Try to think of a black woman as an individual, and not as the chosen speaker for a whole diverse group.

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3. Appreciate Black Women's Sexuality- But Don't Fetishize Them

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Fetishization of black women occurs in many different forms, but the some of the most common include quantifying black women and expecting them to adhere to stereotypes.

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Black lovers should not be collected and bragged about like trophies.

This further marginalizes us by making it seem like we are something exotic, elusive, and mysterious.

Don't expect black women to twerk, to be angry, or to be promiscuous.

Not only will you be sorely disappointed if the black woman you pursue doesn't have any of these attributes, but you're also perpetuating harmful stereotypes about black women.

Instead, treat each and every black woman you crush on like an individual.

Like I've said, we're all different.

Individuality and uniqueness is something that isn't afforded to black women, instead, we're expected to fit into one suffocating box of limited stereotypes.

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But black women are fully fleshed, three dimensional human beings with varying thoughts, abilities, values, and passions. Please treat us as such.

4. Just Be Yourself

As cliché as this sounds, you don't have to pretend to be anything other than yourself when approaching a black woman.

Because we're faced with such hostility and scrutiny in the dating world, black women can be just as nervous about dating outside of their race as you are.

Just like you shouldn't expect a black woman to behave a certain way, you shouldn't have to pretend to be something you're not to impress someone either.

Talk to black women like you would anyone else and get to know them for who they really are.

Appreciate us for our versatility and the little quirks that make each one of us so special. You'll get pleasantly surprised when you realize that dark ladies are so much more than what they are expected to remain.

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Jenika McCrayer is a Contributing Contributor for Everyday Feminism. This AmeriCorps student is excited about community support and aims for a better knowledge of how to organize marginalized populations through services and engagement. Jenika moreover enjoys nice books, poor scary movies, sleep, and the seashore. Learn her papers around. A Virginia local with a BA in Women and Gender Studies from The College of William and Mary, she is now pursuing an MA in the same discipline. Pursue her on Twitter @JenikaMc.